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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Patsy33
Just seen a Dire Straits restaurant advertising, Muffins for nothing, Chips for free.
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Patsy33
My partner said he's leaving me because of my obsession with astronomy.... What planet is he on!?
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Patsy33
My mate came from a broken home, his dad was a shocker at DIY.
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Canary42
Fiancée: You're not committed to our relationship Fiancé: Yes I am Fiancée: No you're not, don't you know the symptoms ? Fiancé: I can't say I do Fiancée: That's one of... ...
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bluefortress
Three men die and go to Heaven, they are surrounded by lovely golf courses, there are rivers and ducks everywhere Gold told them they are welcome to play golf but there is one rule: do not harm a... ...
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maggiebee
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the... ...
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Patsy33
At our local chippy, they still use old newspaper to wrap up their fish and chips.
Yesterday I got a plaice in the sun.
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Patsy33
I lent a Roadworker £50 once, He has never '
Re Surfaced' 
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1ozzy
.. for those that are ageing.  https://www.facebook.com/craigio27/videos/1922930751435895/ ...
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Patsy33
Napoleon and his wife Josephine are buried next to each other - 
They're only a bone apart..
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Patsy33
SEVERE WEATHER WARNING!!   The AA have warned that anyone travelling in icy conditions should take a shovel, blankets/sleeping bag, extra clothing (including scarf, hat and gloves), 24 hour supply... ...
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ToraToraTora
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpCdX2g31ww   ...
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Patsy33
While working at the Rolling Stones bakery, you can't always get what you want. But you do get what you knead. 
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Chipchopper
How do you start a milk pudding race ? Just say-go!
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Rondy
I asked my mate what part of the USA his wife was from.

He replied 'Alaska'...

Well - to be honest I thought he would know!



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Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it. He phones the... ...
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Patsy33
Coming soon. Star Wars 12. Luke needs a walker.
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Rondy
Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, Saint Peter tells Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention of the car changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with... ...
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Canary42
Jujitsu - the gentle art of folding clothes when people are still in them.  
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Chipchopper
I saw a vacancy was on offer at a local sandwich makers, so I gave them a call to inquire about the position. They got back to and said "sorry the role has been filled" 
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Rondy
These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in
NHS. 

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

3. Patient's... ...

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