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Bereavement Help Please !

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NoseyNose | 17:55 Mon 20th Nov 2023 | Body & Soul
152 Answers


My Gay partner of nearly 50 years,died very suddenly last Thursday(16th November) from heart attack, while shopping with me in Sainsbury's.The Medics did their best,but to no avail.

I am completely lost.

We live in a remote part of the country,and he was the only driver.

There are so many things that I have to do,but we don't know anyone around here.

I have contacted the friends that I thought would help.

But none of them suggested visiting me,I just need some human contact,and help.

I am feeling very sucidal,I haven't eaten or drunk much since that horrible Thursday.

I called 999, was taken by ambulance on Friday to the Conquest Hospital.but they just left me on couch(for 4 hours),knowing full well that I was Diabetic(no food etc) also Bipolar,I discharged my self.

Luckily my partners brother had come down(and took me back home),but after two days(without any advice) he went back to his home in Yorkshire(we are in East Sussex)

ANY comfort or practical advice would help.

This is a real cry for help, I cannot go on like this.

I have realised that Bill will not come back, and as he organised evertything for 49 years,I don't think I can go on without him.

I am in a deep dark place,and can only think of one way out.




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With no specific request from him & having read that Gordon's situation is known to the authorities; also after a long chat with an old & trusted friend, I now think that my offer could conceivably complicate matters.Therefore - for now, at least - sadly, I feel that withdrawing gracefully is the correct thing to do.  I hope neither Gordon nor my fellow AB'ers...
16:51 Fri 24th Nov 2023

I just hope he sees the wonderful posts from Chris and LIK.  We live very rurally and am disabled and can't drive now.  I can imagine how Gordon must feel.  Life can be very cruel.

Living in the country is wonderful but of course there are limitations if you don't drive and very isolating at times.

I hope Gordon is able to take advantage of Link's offer and also of Chris' information - I just feel so sad for him.

Jempsons Peasmarsh do have home delivery and also eat in meal deals. It is a family owned business and the staff are all very helpful. They did have a bus service to the surrounding areas but I don't know if they still do. Maybe have a word with Stephen and see what he can do

I'm sorry that I'm so late back & that Gordon's not replied yet. 

Gordon - if you are looking in, please be assured that everyone's thoughts are with you & that any reply from you would be most welcome - even if it's just to say hi  🙂

Question Author

Please,please believe me,when I say I am overwhelmed with the help and support you have given me.

Especially from 

Lie-in King

Howver,I really cannot go on without Billy.

Rightly or wrongly,he did everything for me,and I just want to be with him wherever that may be. I have not eaten or drunk anything for four days now,I hope this will speed me on.

As I said before, I am not afraid of dying,only of living without Billy.

I think that I am so near to my end,there is only one way out,to be with him again.





That is not your only way out.  In time you will be with Bill again, it's called life and death.  Meanwhile you have your life now to live - poor exchange though you may think it. The world has things to offer that you cannot envisage. But they are there.  You don't know, simple as that.

PLEASE, take-up Lie-in-King's offer.  He lost his partner not all that long ago. He  is genuine.

If you have some non-sour milk (or even if it  is sour) please drink a glass.  And take some of the advice offered, please.


What would you say to Billy if you went first?

Get the kettle on and pop some bread in the toaster.  It is time to break this fast and get some food and fluid inside.

It won't alter the situation but it will help you think a bit better. 

I'm not meaning to be judgemental or trying to minimise your pain but there are many terminally ill people who would be glad of a chance to go on with life. 

L-i K has given you a lifeline, please take him up on his amazing offer. Think of what Bill would want you to do, I'm sure he would want the best for you. Life is precious, please don't waste it

Gordon - please try to have a little something to eat & drink.  The pain of your loss feels overwhelming, I know, but you have nearly 5 decades-worth of happy memories - please use them to help you through.

Gordon, I know it's the middle of the night and you prob won't see this till morning but even so..... what would Billy say if he could see these posts? He would be so so upset probably that you feel this way, and am sure that he wouldn't want you to be. I would imagine that he wants you to think of and treasure all of the many many wonderful memories that you have. Please please have at least a cup of sweet tea and a slice of toast, or even just a couple of biscuits, just to get something into your stomach x

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I am so so sorry,but despite your wonderful help, support and comfort.

My body seems to be breaking up too,when Billy was alive it never dawned on me,her cared for me so well.

I shall not be posting any more on this question.

Thank You,and very much love.


You are experiencing trauma on top of grief, it is hard to deal with, but what you are feeling today is normal.  

It can be very hard to understand how life continues to go on around you as usual when you are going through such an enormous change.  But life does go on - relentlessly at times. Somehow we cope, we adapt, we come to accept our new normal. 

The love of your life has died, but your love for him hasn't.  Hopefully that love will see you through.  


Oh, Gordon. Please hold on for a little bit longer. Go and meet Lie-in King. 

-- answer removed --

Gordon, you really need some nourishment right now to enable you to think straight and deal with the necessary. Jempsons are online and you can order a delivery for some lovely food.  Please. 


I'm concerned about your post this morning, Gordon.  Please know that if you change your mind, adding to this thread will continue to alert folk in "Latest Posts" until 20th Dec, so you would be noticed & helped further, should you ask (a new thread is fine as well, of course).  My offer to come to chat with you still stands, but I won't post an email address unless you specifically ask me to.

Please take strength from the enduring love you have for your partner & use it to help you back to better health 🙂

You say you will not add to this post but I hope you will still read the replies you are getting.

I'm sorry if someone has already asked you this, but I presume you have contacted your doctor?

You are obviously suffering from severe depression and you think that by doing what you are doing is the only way out, but you are wrong. You can be given help in the way of medication and counselling. 

Please phone 999 and tell them what you are doing and they will send you an ambulance and get you into hospital and get you well again.

You can do this if you try, please don't carry on with what you are doing. In time you will be glad that you asked for help.

Time changes everything and at the moment you are not thinking straight. Please pick up the phone and dial 999.



Please bare in mind Gordon that you havealready made new friends on AB, all of us willing to chat with you on probably a daily basis and the lovely LIK who seriously wants to meet up with you and has recently lost the love of his life. I know your hospital experience didn't help, being sat in a chair forvso long.  Inially phone 111 and choose option 2.  It puts you through to the mental health team who will have a chat.  Don't starve yourself, but if you can't eat then drink plenty But not the alcoholic stuff 😉.   

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