A guy walks up and sees a jar of money in a bar. The Barman says you need to do 3 things to get all the money. 1. He points over to a big guy, 6'9" 280 lbs. You have to walk up to him and knock him...
I once took a stuffed dog to the Antiques Roadshow.
The chap said, "This is very rare, do you know what it would fetch if it was in good condition?"
I replied "Dunno, a few sticks i suppose?"...
Suspecting her husband of infidelity, the woman attempted to put an end to it by arousing his jealousy. "What would you say if I told you that I've been sleeping with your best friend?" she asked...
A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the...
Pinched from a friend's post. Q: How many group members does it take to change light bulb ? 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed. 14 to share similar experiences...
I Know I should have posted this in Jokes , but I like the news section Bill Roach ....Ken Barlow , In Coronationd St ...has been Given a...... Knighthood . .........................................I...
was sitting in the lobby of a courthouse waiting for Prince Andrew's case to be heard. She recognised the young lady sitting next to her as Virginia Giuffre, and being the courteous woman she is she...
While driving around yesterday I came across a dogging site. You know, where couples park and have sex while others watch. So I thought I'd stop and join in. It was ok, but unfortunately I failed my...
This chap dies and his widow calls the local paper to have a notice published. They ask her what she wants printed. She replies “Cohen Dead”. The tell her the minimum charge of £5 and for that she can...
On his way home from work a man noticed his tyres were going flat. So he nipped into his local petrol station to inflate the tyres. After he'd done that the lady forecourt attendant asked for £2....
I have five siblings . . . three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my mum about how she had changed as a mother from her first child to her last. She told me she really had...
A wife announced to a group of her friends that she had made her husband what he is today; a millionaire. Intrigued, one of her friends asked what he was before she met him? She replied – a...
When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered then a good friend of the family phoned and...
Went to a Restaurant last week. Ordered the meat pie. When it came, started eating and found a massive worm. Called the waiter and said “There’s a massive worm in my meat pie!” Waiter pokes at it and...
A married couple on a tight budget were shopping in a supermarket. The husband picks up a crate of beer and places it in their shopping trolley. The wife remonstrates ‘Put that back, we only have...