Crosswords0 min ago
My therapist told me to stop inventing scenarios in my head.
Which is odd, since I don't have a therapist. ___ I've just checked my home insurance cover policy and apparently, if my duvet is stolen... ...
Which is odd, since I don't have a therapist. ___ I've just checked my home insurance cover policy and apparently, if my duvet is stolen... ...
My wife Dorothy is threatening to run off, due to my obsession with Morse code. I begged her, "Please don't dash Dot."
Joke circulating in Germany: What borders on stupidity? Canada and Mexico
I managed to resuscitate a clown the other day. He’s now on laugh support
The Ding family had a son whom they named William. He grew up to become a famous architect. In fact, he traveled all over the world, designing massive structures.
He was even hired to design entire... ...
He was even hired to design entire... ...
. . . but I'm not allowed to name him.
A man walks into a bar and slumps on the bar stool. He says to the barman 'Give me six double brandies' The barman raises an eyebrow and says 'That's a lot of booze. Had a rough day?' The man sighs... ...
I went to the doctors yesterday and told him that every time I cough, I hear words like knight, bishop, pawn and queen .
He said I had a chess infection.
He said I had a chess infection.
He's mostly brown and black with a small white patch, I think I'll name him Bradford. 😀
One day, a young girl is walking through a park when she hears a faint, “Help me, help me.” She looks around and follows the quiet voice to a bush near the path. Looking under the bush she spies a... ...
It's strange, but if you scream in a library everyone tells you to shut up, but if you scream on an aeroplane everyone joins in.
The wife's just left me due to my constant name dropping. King Charles warned me this could happen!
Some scumbags have nicked our tree.
Bring back the birch I say !!!! ___ I don't normally fart in burger king but when I do it's a whopper! ___ Last night l slept with the bedside light on, people may... ...
Bring back the birch I say !!!! ___ I don't normally fart in burger king but when I do it's a whopper! ___ Last night l slept with the bedside light on, people may... ...
Bond 007 was sitting at the bar and kept looking at his watch. A pretty young lady sitting near him asked 'are you waiting for someone'. ' No' replies Bond 'Q has given me this new watch which is... ...
A group of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders, accompanied by 2 female teachers, went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the sporting industry, but mostly to see... ...
I went to a psychic but knocked her crystal ball off the table and broke it. It cost me a fortune. My wife started mumbling in bed last night ,"I wrote Lord of the Rings, I wrote The Hobbit". I... ...
I just found a half frozen tiny bird as I walked home, so I put it in my pocket to give it a chance of survival.
When I showed the wife, she told me how much she loved me for being so kind and... ...
When I showed the wife, she told me how much she loved me for being so kind and... ...
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Officer: "Do you know how fast you were going?" WH: "No but I know exactly where I am"
If I was in a rocketship traveling at the speed of light and I turned the headlights on would they work ?.
