One day, a wife goes up to her husband and asks for twenty pounds to buy meat. "Are you crazy?" says the husband, who pulls her over to a mirror. "Let me show you something? This twenty pound note is...
A Welsh man is walking through a field, when he sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand. The Welsh man shouts: "Paid a yfed y dwr mae'r gwartheg yn cachu yn y Dwr" (Don't drink the water,...
A group of third, fourth and fifth year school kids accompanied by two female teachers went on a school trip to the Chester racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the racing industry. During...
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?" Suzy raised her hand and said, "I...
There once was a toad that was excluded from all Green Toad activities because he was a handsome shade of yellow. So he went to visit a beautiful fairy in the town who had the power to grant wishes....
A wee boy asks "What's love juice Dad?" His Dad starts panicking and sits him down and starts to tell him about the birds and the bees. A little while later Dad asks "Exactly which programmes have you...
There was this Indian chief who was straining to blow a fart but it wouldn't come out. So he sent his little messenger boy to the doctor and he says, ''Big chief, no fart.'' The doctor gives him a can...
There's a fancy dress party. Also it's national 'Talk like a pirate week' A man goes to the fancy dress party "Who have you come as" asks the doorman "A pirate" states the potential guest "Where are...
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the check up, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined...
In Jerusalem, a journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to the Wailing Wall to check it...
When we divorced, my first wife wanted a present.
"Anything, I said, how about something that goes from 0 to 160 in 3 seconds?"
"Great," she said
I bought her some bathroom scales....
The hotel manager found a beautiful blonde maid looking rather guilty. "What is the matter, my dear?" "Well, the man in room 1210 called down for room service, and I was sent up to his room. I walked...
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure...
A man ran to the corner of the street where a policeman was standing. "Have you seen a bloke running down here?" he asked. "No why?" asked the officer. He came in my barber shop for a trim and a shave...
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg....
"Did you give the prisoner the third degree?" the police captain asked the detective. "Yeah, we browbeat him pretty good," nodded the other. "Asked him every question and made every threat we could...
The Queen and Prince Charles are traveling alone in a Land Rover on the way back from a lunch for the President of the EU. They have become separated from their bodyguards. The Queen is resplendent in...
Signs that don't mean what they say: In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notice. In a Japanese hotel: You are...
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the...
