Signs that don't mean what they say: In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notice. In a Japanese hotel: You are...
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the...
A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up...
Three little boys were sitting around talking about their fathers. The first boy said, "My dad can blow smoke rings." The second boy said, "My dad can blow smoke rings out of his nose." The third boy...
I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I had a close call yesterday. I walked into B&Q yesterday and some old guy dressed in a black shirt with an orange apron on asked me...
An old farmer and his wife had a bunch of pigs, and every morning the farmer would head out to feed them. And every morning, he would see all the pigs making baby pigs. He would get turned on by this...
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn. The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate....
Three blondes are undergoing a maths test. The examiner asks the first blonde, "What is 4 x 4?" To which the blonde replies, "36." He asks the second blonde, What is 4 x 4?" To which the second one...
Mick is driving home in County Sligo when he comes up behind a slower moving lorry, he overtakes and pulls alongside, shouting out of his window:- "Oi, driver, you're losing your load!" "*** off"...
When Donald Trump was president he met The Queen, and he turned round and said: "As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how the USA is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a...
A man with a glass eye, stands at a bus stop. As a bus arrives he bounces the glass eye on the pavement. When asked what he was doing, he replied " I'm looking to see if there's any room on the top...
A man walks into a dentists in a panic and says, "You've got to help me, I think I'm a moth", The dentist says, "You're in the wrong place, you need to see a psychiatrist", The man replies, "I know, I...
A buxom woman walked into the doctor's surgery. The doctor was immediately attracted to her and began to squeeze her knee. "Do you know why I'm doing this?" asked the doctor. "Checking for housemaid's...
The Maid wanted a pay increase. Madam was very upset about this and asked, "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?" Maria: " Well Madam, there are 3 reasons why I want an increase." "First, I iron...
A man was worried that his wile was having an affair. He asked his parrot to watch what happened during the day and to report back to him at night time. The parrot had lost both of his legs in a freak...
Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked. "Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on...
Two Glaswegians, Erchie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding. "Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "A've got everythin' oarganised awready, the fluers,...
A women takes her husband along to a tv show to confess. " I've been working as a prostitute for the last 2 years" she blubs. He is disgusted " Why " he asks, Then he starts to think about the...
An old drunk stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister notices the old drunk and says,...
