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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Rondy
News just in….Three cliff walkers have fallen to their deaths! What are the chances of them all having the same name? ___ I was kissing my girlfriend on the sofa the other night and she says to me,... ...
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Rondy
A dwarf was drinking in a bar when a sexy blonde walked up to him and said “I’ve always wanted to have sex with a little person”
The dwarf replied “I’m sorry, but I’ve had women say that before,... ...
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Rondy
A LOT OF PEOPLE do NOT know what is the actual colour of water.

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Well, if you think about it, the answer is very clear.
___

Did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine? He's fully... ...
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Chipchopper
This guy  in the pub was telling loads of jokes about Motown singers, and I said to him how many Motown jokes do you know at "least a 100, and that's four tops"
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1ozzy
Snails don't play hide and seek  https://ibb.co/KWRjvGq ...
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Rondy
A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner. A local politician and member of the congregation was to give a speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say a few words... ...
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Old_Geezer
https://youtu.be/Ig3Rfz_mNk0?si=YdjqQfEVM5y9yac9   ...
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Rondy
I read in the newspaper a tip to use Vodka for cleaning around the house.
I must say it really works too, the more Vodka I drank the cleaner the house looked. ___ I was sitting on the toilet when the... ...
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Chipchopper
I was invited to a fancy dress party the other day, and decided to go dressed as a screwdriver. It turned a few heads, I must say! 
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Rondy
If I had 50p for every maths exam I've failed,
I'd have £3.74 now. ___ I can put up with most things from my work-mates; but stealing my digestives?
That just takes the biscuit. ___ I was in a lift when... ...
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Rondy
My son's swallowed some of our Scrabble tiles so now we're looking for an A & E.
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I`ve been told I need to go to hospital for an operation on my knees,I dont know why I cant just walk in like... ...
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Rondy
I've been in bed for 20 minutes and l've just remembered, l only came upstairs for a pen. ___ Last night I had a terrible dream that I had to make a thousand pancakes.
I was tossing and turning all... ...
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Rondy
Paddy staggered home very late and very drunk. He took off his shoes to avoid waking the wife. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their bedroom, but misjudged the... ...
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Rondy
My neighbour does nothing but talk about growing tomatoes.
Think he’s suffering from the greenhouse effects.
___

I don't think dad would like yeast extract but ma might.

___

I called the Tax Office and... ...
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Rondy
Someone glued my pack of cards together...
I'm finding it hard to deal with. ___ IF you close your eyes and rub a kiwi fruit in one hand and rub one of your testicles with the other, it's difficult... ...
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Chipchopper
A man walks into a bar and shouts, "give me a whiskey and make it a double"! The barman looks at the guy and says "I think you've had enough don't you, so why don't you just turn yourself around... ...
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Rondy
Boss (to the new employee): "We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?"
New employee: "Yes, sir."
Boss: Get out, We are also keen on truthfulness. There is... ...
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maggiebee
One day, a young girl is walking through a park when she hears a faint, “Help me, help me.” She looks around and follows the quiet voice to a bush near the path. Looking under the bush she spies a... ...
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Rondy
Chaos occurred in an ATM queue this morning, when a Scotsman's kilt
fell down..... he'd forgotten his pin. ___ I took a degree in Salad studies. All I really wanted was some lettuce after my... ...
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Rondy
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep last night.
I got to 500 then lost interest so went home from work and got into bed. ___ Some people thought my plan to design a building with a two-kilometer... ...

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