At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret." "I don't know about that," answered a woman...
A young boy stopped by the corner grocery store and read his list to the clerk: "10 pounds if sugar at £1.25 a pound; 4 pounds of coffee at £1.50 a pound; 2 pounds of butter at £1.10 a pound and 2...
A boy comes home from school and runs to his father. The boy says, "Dad, a boy in my class calls me a gay". "Oh yeah? Well then beat him up!" says his dad. The boy replies, "I can't dad!" "Why not...
An English man is travelling on a train in a European country. His seatmate knows some English, and they end up chatting. The seatmate asks if the English man has children. The man says no. "Ah, so...
An antelope and a lion entered a diner and took a booth near the window. When the waiter approached, the antelope said, “I’ll have a bowl of hay and a side order of radishes.” “And what would your...
A man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if you're going to treat it, first you've got to promise not to laugh." "Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a...
"Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?" "No sir, it's Google's Pizza." "Did I dial the wrong number? "No sir, Google bought the pizza store." "Oh, alright then. I’d like to place an order please." "Okay sir,...
A deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his...
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the...
An eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. "If you get in the car," the driver says, "I'll give you £10 and a mars bar." The boy refuses and keeps on...
A man was driving down the road. He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash. Astounded that he had been caught speeding when he was under the speed limit, he turned around and, going even slower, he...
Children's play school teacher: "Now children, what is the shape of the earth?”
After a pause a little girl spoke up: “According to my Daddy…it's bloody terrible!”...
A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face. "What the heck did you do that for?!!"...
A young woman had just purchased her dream car, a new BMW convertible, and was having trouble tuning her radio to a station she wanted. She returned to the BMW dealership and confronted the salesman,...
On New Year's Eve, a lady stood up at the local pub and said that it was time to get ready for the celebrations. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one...
A chap at our local Shell garage told me that rising diesel prices don’t affect him because he only ever buys £20 worth at a time and it’s always £20 .....
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.
I told them to buzz off!!!!!
Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!...
The trial went on for 4 weeks with testimony by both sides. Finally, the jury retired to determine the verdict. After 2 days the jury had reached a decision to acquit the prisoner. Judge: "What...
A man went to his doctor and asked him how to prolong the lovemaking experience. The doctor told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer, extending the pleasure for them and...
