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A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I've had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month." The priest tells the...
I was sitting next to an elderly ecclesiastical gentleman on a plane recently who was doing a crossword, after a long pause in his labour he turned to me and said, "Can you think of a four letter word...
I heard about a new children's adventure story featuring Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat so I went to the library to see if I could borrow it. The librarian said it rang a bell, but she didn't...
A blonde girl was going on her first date and her grandmother gave her some advice: "The boy may try to kiss you -- it will feel good, but don't do it. He may try to go up your skirt -- but don't let...
What do you call a cyclist who wears a hollowed out pumpkin on his head for a crash helmet ?.
Gourdon...
"Did you hear about that American actress who got stabbed?" "No, who was it?"
"I don't know, Reese something or other."
"Witherspoon?"
"No I believe it was with a knife."...
An old country farmer with serious financial problems bought a mule from another old farmer for £100, who agreed to deliver the mule the next day. However, the next day he drove up and said, "Sorry,...
Did you know that if you were to tear a hole in a fishing net it would have less holes. (;¬)...
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Two gay gentlemen are walking through a zoo. They come across the gorillas and after a while they notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this. One of the...
I was sitting next to an elderly ecclesiastical gentleman on a plane recently who was doing a crossword, after a long pause in his labour he turned to me and said, "Can you think of a four letter word...
My MiL stayed to dinner with us yesterday and asked why the dog kept staring at her. I told her it was probably because she was using his plate..
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed...
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing £1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the...
I saw Sir Elton John in the supermarket looking at the various salad dressings. I suggested that the honey and mustard, go's well with a bit of ice burg lettuce. He said "actually, I'm more of a...
When a tree falls in the Amazon rain forest and no one is around to hear it....
.... Those illegal loggers are still getting away with it...
Did you hear about the man who bought a dog with no legs? He called it cigarette. He used to take it out for a drag. ________________ Did you know that the Irish recently built their own submarine?...
A man walks into a bar and asks: "Can I have a pint of Less, please?" "Sorry sir," the barman says, "what's that?" "I've no idea," replies the man, "but I went to see my doctor last week and he told...
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A friend told me that their small business, selling fruit and vegetables, had gone into liquidation. I said "that's sad news, I'm sorry to hear that" "No don't be" She said, "we are doing great now...
