Business & Finance4 mins ago
I'm just on my way out to fix Cat
Stevens' caravan.
Awning has broken…
Stevens' caravan.
Awning has broken…
I was talking to my neighbour today, he said, "I went to one of those Turkish baths on holiday...They shaved with razor-sharp blade below the neck line, snipped ear & nose hairs, waxed chest hairs... ...
ANAGRAM - EYJNROOA, Actress - 2.6 any ideas?
Apparently Julie Andrews will no longer be endorsing Rimmel Vibrant Shades lipstick, as she claims it breaks too easily, and makes her breath smell. In a statement, she said: "This super colour... ...
A man hovers above a man on floor, pointing at him he says ''You won't ever threaten me again will ya'' A bystander shouts 'the MP for Runcorn *$&^*ing smacking someone on the floor' There is a... ...
I got talked into buying a pre Cremation package today, the upside is if I die in a fire I get half the money back. ___ Someone has stolen a broken set of scales which I was hoping to fix.
They'll... ...
They'll... ...
I was looking for a good loo cleaner, so I asked a lady at the supermarket, "which is the best stuff for cleaning the loo" she said "ammonia cleaner" I said "sorry I thought you worked... ...
A joke for Halloween, courtesy of the great Barry Cryer, A skeleton walked into a pub and ordered a pint and a mop!
An out-of-town homeless man comes to a nice looking house hat in hand, and upon answering the doorbell, the homeowner asks what the itinerant wants.
The shabily dressed person say "Well... I... ...
The shabily dressed person say "Well... I... ...
A thief in the butcher shop got charged with chop lifting.
The Judge said he mutton do it again. ___ My wife is doing an experiment. She's wearing a Man Utd shirt for a week to get peoples reactions.... ...
The Judge said he mutton do it again. ___ My wife is doing an experiment. She's wearing a Man Utd shirt for a week to get peoples reactions.... ...
I asked my mate what part of the USA his wife was from.
He replied 'Alaska'...
Well - to be honest I thought he would know! ___ Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it. He phones the... ...
He replied 'Alaska'...
Well - to be honest I thought he would know! ___ Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it. He phones the... ...
A mate of mine has just won the Phillipines National Origami championship. He's a Manila folder.
Reports have come through that Police have stopped and arrested 50 Hull KR fans on the M62 with flares as they were on their way to the Grand Final v Wigan at Old Trafford yesterday. It turned out... ...
Two tapeworms in a high ranking army officer.
One says to the other "What's up mate, you look really down?"
The other replies "Oh, nothing really, just life in General" ___ We've started going to a... ...
One says to the other "What's up mate, you look really down?"
The other replies "Oh, nothing really, just life in General" ___ We've started going to a... ...
I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines. He's a singer/songwriter Or sew it seams
Dogs bark an average of 787 times per day. Well, that's a ruff estimate 😀
I've Just had a sage and onion enema.
It's knocked the stuffing out of me. ___ Cucumbers are really good for memory............
Someone stuck one up my mates *** 30 years ago and he still remembers... ...
It's knocked the stuffing out of me. ___ Cucumbers are really good for memory............
Someone stuck one up my mates *** 30 years ago and he still remembers... ...
The cheeky kids next door challenged me to a water fight, I said,”Give me 5 minutes and I’ll be ready as soon as the kettles boiled.” ___ For a minute I thought the job centre was trying to appeal... ...
They’re a funny lot, my family. Before he died my grandad covered his back with lard, but after that he went downhill very quickly. My sister had hay fever and then she developed diabetes. I did my... ...
I went into Boots the Chemist this morning and asked for a comb, the assistant said: "Do you want a steel one?" I said: "No I'm happy to pay for it".
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