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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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maggiebee
A man suffered a serious heart attack while on holiday in America The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he... ...
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Rondy
A couple who drove their car to ALDI, only to have their car break down in the car park. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.
The wife returned later to see a... ...
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Rondy
An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.
His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone.... ...
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Rondy
Paddy is booking into a guest house and looking around reception he notices a sign on the wall.
He asks the owner: "What time do you get in?"
The owner looks confused and says: "I am the owner and I... ...
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Chipchopper
Struggling to get my grass mown, a neighbour suggested that I pour whiskey on the grass. He claims that the grass comes up half cut.
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Patsy33
I hate spelling errors.. You mix up two letters and your whole joke is urined.
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Rondy
My friend and I work in a lawn-mower-parts warehouse. He had the idea that his wife did not want a card on Valentine’s Day, but when he spoke to her on the phone, he discovered she was expecting... ...
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roadman
i was going to buy a copy of the sunday telegraph but there has been so many editions it would be hard to read them all to catch up 
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Chipchopper
I called the police when I discovered two men hiding behind the patio windows. When questioned, they said their names were Kurt and Rod 
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Rondy
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth... ...
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Rondy
At a monastery high in the mountains, the monks have a rigid vow of silence. Only at Christmas can the monk speak, and then only two words, and only to the head monk. On his first Christmas there,... ...
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Rondy
An old man went to the college that he went to when he was a youth.
He knocked on room number 3 of the hostel and said: May I come in. I lived in this very room thirty years ago when I studied in... ...
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Rondy
Two out of work east European bums decided that they would be better
off in a more city location so they hitched a ride. The driver dropped them off in the city's red-light district. A hooker... ...
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maggiebee
A steak pie in Trinidad   £3 A steak pie in Barbados £4.50 A steak pie in Tobago     £3.20   That's the pie rates of the Caribbean
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Rondy
My mate just got sacked from the Pet shop
The owner caught him with his hands in the trill ! ___ Me at 16- “This radio is playing my favourite song”
Me at 21- “This bar is playing my favourite song”
Me... ...
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Patsy33
Thought I spotted the first English super hero earlier. Saw a scouser in Liverpool running down the road wearing a Cape. Turned out the ****** hadn't paid for his haircut..
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Rondy
I saw my wife using her phone to record herself getting her hair styled.
I think she's planning to watch the highlights later. ___ I just saw my wife trip over and drop a basket of clothes she just... ...
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piggynose
Never fall in love with a tennis player! Love means nothing to them!
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Patsy33
Starting a sugar daddy dating site for people into 80s music.
I'm calling it Girls Just Wanna Have Funds.
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Rondy
"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read." ___ My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. She... ...

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