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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

21 to 40 of 53

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Chipchopper
I called the police when I discovered two men hiding behind the patio windows. When questioned, they said their names were Kurt and Rod 
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Rondy
As I was rushed into A&E, the paramedic shouted “BP is 148!”
I thought that’s not really the time to talk about petrol prices. ___ The seeds I sent for have germinated in the envelope.
It's left me... ...
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maggiebee
Tom gets on a plane in Edinburgh for a flight to New York. A very attractive young lady gets on the plane and sits right next to him. Wanting to start a conversation with her he asks “Business... ...
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Patsy33
I replaced my rooster with a duck. I now wake up at the quack of dawn..
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Rondy
Just bought myself a book about reincarnation, it was £45 but I thought, *** you only live once! ___ The next person who asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade and a slice of... ...
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Rondy
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth... ...
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Rondy
At a monastery high in the mountains, the monks have a rigid vow of silence. Only at Christmas can the monk speak, and then only two words, and only to the head monk. On his first Christmas there,... ...
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Chipchopper
But Armageddon out of here, said the last man on earth. Sorry 😆 
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Rondy
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of a library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

"What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many... ...
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retrocop
    An elderly couple  entered a McDonald’s store  and sat next to a table where some young people were having dinner. The old man walked over to the box and made the order for him.  He unwrapped the... ...
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Rondy
An old man went to the college that he went to when he was a youth.
He knocked on room number 3 of the hostel and said: May I come in. I lived in this very room thirty years ago when I studied in... ...
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Rondy
Two out of work east European bums decided that they would be better
off in a more city location so they hitched a ride. The driver dropped them off in the city's red-light district. A hooker... ...
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maggiebee
A steak pie in Trinidad   £3 A steak pie in Barbados £4.50 A steak pie in Tobago     £3.20   That's the pie rates of the Caribbean
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Rondy
By the time the sailor pulled into a little town every hotel room was
taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a
bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room... ...
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Rondy
My mate just got sacked from the Pet shop
The owner caught him with his hands in the trill ! ___ Me at 16- “This radio is playing my favourite song”
Me at 21- “This bar is playing my favourite song”
Me... ...
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Rondy
This guy was staggering along the road, much the worse for the drink, throwing empty beer cans into the street and falling into peoples gardens. His singing gained the attention of a passing... ...
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Patsy33
Thought I spotted the first English super hero earlier. Saw a scouser in Liverpool running down the road wearing a Cape. Turned out the ****** hadn't paid for his haircut..
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Rondy
I was in a Café happily dipping my biscuits in other people's tea and they called the police...
Said I was Dunkin' disorderly. ___ I stayed at a hotel yesterday and couldn't help noticing that some... ...
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Rondy
Wife: Can I cut my hair and make it short? Husband: Cut it. W: I took lot of efforts to grow it long.. H: Then don't cut it W: They say short hair is the fashion these days.. H: Then cut it W: What if... ...
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Rondy
I saw my wife using her phone to record herself getting her hair styled.
I think she's planning to watch the highlights later. ___ I just saw my wife trip over and drop a basket of clothes she just... ...

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